Dr. Leo Marvin, You Genius

So, I'm sorry to say, for all you who eat, sleep, breathe, snort, shoot, and drop Creepy or Funny, that I'm going to take a vacation.

A VACATION FROM MY PROBLEMS!!!! And I'm going to go sailing, on a boat, far far away from the shore...and I'm going to eat hand-shucked corn, and shout obscenities til the wee hours of the night.

But no death therapy. Dr. Leo Marvin, you're not using any death therapy on me. I won't have it.

But you CAN use the little puppets. I will allow that.

So, anyway, my little "vacation from my problems" will be until the end of the month. In Maui. Away from my problems. Did I say Maui? I meant Lake Winnipesaukee.


I'll be cooking up something extra special for you guys for when I get back. Until then...talk amongst yourselves. I'll give you a topic:

Ventriloquists.

Discuss.

Soilent Green is People!!!!

...And hand soap is now made from real baby hands. Kinda like how they *used to* make glue out of horses.



This brings up two points of concern:

1) Where do they get the mold to make this soap? Are there little babies growing up hand-less now because of this manufacturer?

2) What kind of sick person would actually display this in their house as a trophy of all the children they'd massacred? Maybe a person with a mustache.

So what are they going to think of next? What line are they going to cross this time?

Rabbit's Feet good luck charms? Kitten-head paperweights?



*UPDATE* So after more searching, I guess someone already thought of this like a hundred years ago. Way to go, sick-o.

Creepy is only skin deep...

So I love children. I want to be one someday...

No, really. My biggest aspiration as an adult has been to one day win a junior beauty pageant.

Like this little girl:



But I got started thinking. What about those children who have already reached that lofty goal early on in their career?
What becomes of them? What place does society hold for them?

I think they need a pioneer. A role model. Someone to show them that they can still carry on and keep that dream alive for the rest of their long lives.









Like this other little girl:

Magnum P.U.

I did a little bit of experimenting this past week—no, not the kind you do in college or with your best friend's sister. Actual productive scientific investigation.

I wanted to find out how small of a change in appearance was needed to transform someone perfectly handsome and amazingly attractive (Me: Figure 1) into someone a bit on the creepy side (Figure 2)...say, maybe someone you could mistake for an old middle-aged guy in a trench coat who hangs out at or around local Utah Valley elementary schools on a frequent-but-not-regular basis and answers to the name of Curtis.

The answer? A moustache.

Figure 1:













Figure 2:


The really creepy thing is I don't know how I grew the moustache so quickly in between pictures...


And why I wasn't wearing any pants...